The last Fantastic Four story. Wait, let me say that again. The Last Fantastic Four Story! Such a momentous event needs to be repeated. Of course, this is not the last Fantastic Four story ever, just Stan Lee’s final story for the team. Still, the man that created the team writing the team’s end? Exciting stuff indeed.

Unfortunately, the anticipation of the story far exceeds its delivery.

Before I really begin, let me just say that The Last Fantastic Four Story is testament to the fact that sometimes you should judge a book by its cover. It is telling when the creators’ names are as large as the title of the comic itself. I should have realized then that the book would be riding on the starpower of Lee and Romita Jr., and saved myself the trouble. Also telling is the fact that the team is shown in their current incarnation. That is, as much as characters in the comic universe don’t age, this is a story of the Fantastic Four in the present (or near-future). This is not a story set in the distant future, as was Earth X. No one has aged a bit, and just that fact should incite some doubt as to how compelling or innovative the story could be.

But hindsight is 20/20, and I was just as starry eyed in the face of Stan Lee! and John Romita Jr.! as Marvel hoped I would be. So I sat down and subjected myself to this little morsel of tripe incarnate.

In summary, The Last Fantastic Four Story tells of the Cosmic Tribunal, an unimaginably powerful alien race who have decided to destroy the human race. After thousands of years of existence, humankind is still bogged down by the horrors of war, crime, poverty, and bigotry. Humanity “serves no positive purpose,” the Cosmic Tribunal declares, and therefore “must be–ELIMINATED.” With only one week left until the Tribunal wreaks its havoc, it is up to the Fantastic Four to save humanity before it is too late.

The Tribunal sends a messenger–melodramatically called The Abjudicator–to warn humanity of its impending doom, in order to give humanity “a chance to put their affairs in order.” The Abjudicator’s presence incites Namor, the Avengers, Dr. Strange, Professor X, Black Bolt, and (oddly) Dr. Doom to attack in humanity’s defense. However, as The Abjudicator is powered by The Power Of Thought, there is no being in the universe powerful enough to damage it. Or is there?

If I haven’t spoiled the story already, I am going to now. Reed calls upon Galactus to find the Decimators, a race of beings with no minds, just the instinct to kill any form of life they encounter. (I wish I was making this up.) “Being mindless”, The Watcher tells us, “they’re impervious to mental power!” Thus, the Tribunal is powerless against them. So, the Decimators get to slaughtering the entire Tribunal, which induces some guilt in Reed. The Fantastic Four and Silver Surfer hitch a ride with Galactus to the Tribunal’s world, and save them from the Decimators. The Tribunal is saved, humanity is saved, and the Fantastic Four receive a huge reward ceremony by the United Nations (attended by every character in the Marvel Universe, of course).

All of which says nothing about why this is the last Fantastic Four story.

The Cosmic Tribunal trouble is the source of the action, but the catalyst behind this being the last Fantastic Four story is something much more sinister: ego. After coming to the rescue yet again, the team discusses not being rewarded for their help. “People appreciate what we do,” says Reed (Mr. Fantastic), to which Ben Grimm (The Thing) retorts, “Yeah? Ever try takin’ their appreciation to the bank?” Decades into their saving-the-world careers, the Fantastic Four aren’t getting any younger. Or richer!

Let me try to repeat that in a different way. After saving the day, the Fantastic Four return to their 35-story skyscraper in Manhattan. As they exit from their private jet and walk through hallways lined with high-tech electronics, Ben and Johnny (Human Torch) complain about not making enough from t-shirt and toy sales. Lounging on a leather sofa, custom made to withstand his awesome weight, Ben figures “it’s time to git a life an’ let some other suckers save the world.”

So, after saving humanity from the Cosmic Tribunal (by means of doing nothing but getting other people to help), the Fantastic Four decide to retire. Nothing they do could ever top defeating a race so powerful even Galactus was impotent against them.

If The Last Fantastic Four Story is remembered for nothing else, it will be remembered for finally revealing the Fantastic Four’s true motivation for being superheroes. These last 66 years of superheroing did not stem from selfless compassion or a morality that compelled them to use their powers for good over evil. No. The Fantastic Four wanted money and fame. Sure, they achieved some paltry 15 minutes of fame, but even The Thing can see that any action movie star is richer than them! Am I the only person outraged that the Fantastic Four have saved Earth countless times, but still have to return every night to their cramped 35-story apartment building?

Yes, this is how Stan Lee envisioned the Fantastic Four ending. Not in an action-packed finale in which the team dies as they save the world from an incomprehensible threat. Not even simply growing old and going their separate ways. Rather, the Fantastic Four end by being money-grubbing egotists.

Even disregarding how unbelievably off-character the premise is, The Last Fantastic Four Story can’t even manage to be internally logical. The comic begins with a bird dying, and later reveals ecological disaster worldwide, but how is this related to storyline? Is it the Cosmic Tribunal’s doing? If so, why would the Tribunal attack the animals and plants (which have nothing to do with humanity’s “evil”)? Also, how is it that The Abjudicator is able to dispatch Dr. Doom’s robot warships, but the Tribunal is unable to defeat the “mindless” Decimators? Metal suddenly has more thought than living beings?

The art, on the other hand, is not irritating at all. At this point in Romita Jr.’s career, it seems almost unnecessary to talk about his art. It’s beautiful and tough and powerful; sharp outlines and strong shadows. His style has remained consistent for years, and this time around is no exception. One complaint I do have is that the design is very confined, and Romita Jr. has a tendency to give the reader what they expect. Big explosions, rippling muscles, and an appearance by all the big names in the Marvel Universe, but I blame Stan Lee for that more than Romita. Still, the art saves the book from being complete trash (which is a noteworthy achievement). Sadly, it also accentuates how miserable the exposition and dialogue are. Besides, Romita Jr. has drawn just as well on stories worth his talent, so save your money for those instead.

This is all leading to one conclusion. It may be heresy, but it must be said: Stan Lee has become a joke. Or perhaps Lee’s comic output of the past few years really is a joke. Golden and Silver Age stories are almost defined by their corny dialogue and winded exposition, but but the great ones were always saved by their amazing level of inventiveness. Unfortunately, Lee has neither updated his old-fashioned writing style, nor put out a really interesting story. This is true of The Last Fantastic Four Story, as well as of his Just Imagine… series and other recent works. The Last Fantastic Four Story is especially egregious since it is basically 55 pages of nonsense.

If you must buy this comic, I recommend against reading it. Instead, sit for ten to twenty minutes with it in your hands, imagining all the ways it could be great. Think of all the wonderful creations Stan Lee was once capable of, and of John Romita Jr.’s lovely linework. Anything your mind can come up with will be better than reality.

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