Kelly Osbourne rejected by Playboy. The 22-year-old curvaceous daughter of Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne recently said that she would like to appear in the infamous magazine. But in an interview, Hugh Hefner said, “I can’t see it happening somehow – we don’t airbrush to that extent.”

The ad generator remixes words and semantic structures from real corporate slogans to generate invented slogans. These slogans are then paired with related images from Flickr, thereby generating fake advertisements on the fly.

Where I Had My First Kiss (dot com) is another in a long line of Google Map mashups, this time coordinating where (duh) people had their first kisses. Thanks to the simplicity of the Google Maps API, many such mashups have come out: Google/Yahoo Traffic & Weather, HOT or NOT, Cheap gas, HousingMaps (Craigslist + Google Maps), New York City subway. And that’s hardly all of them. Check out Lifehack.org for more.

YOU are #16 in the BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2006, right down there with Tony Snow and Britney Spears. You, who is “more worried about friction on the “Desperate Housewives” set than the lack of health coverage at your tedious, soul-destroying job. You are why democracy doesn’t work.”

The rules are simple: this guy puts the self-timer on two seconds, and runs as far from the camera as he can.

Make A Cylon Jack-O-Lantern – Just in time for Halloween! Cylons, of course, are those war machines from Battlestar Galactica with the panning red laser eye. Don’t tell me you didn’t know that.

And… um… also just in time for Halloween… candy corn dildo! Fun for the whole family!

Similarly, everything you don’t want to know about your kid’s sex life:

To figure out what teens are up to when their parents aren’t watching, we gave 53 boys and 47 girls from four Manhattan high schools a series of 37 questions designed to tease out exactly how far they go. Then went after 100 parents…and put them to the test, with one difference: We asked them to guess their own teens’ answers. As you’ll see, the high schoolers and the parents live on fairly different planets.

Erik Blevin’s Kick Ass Movie Pitches:

You know how some movies get sold on one idea or sentence (or a sentence filled with an idea)? Idea #1: What if the Internet turned into a Were-wolf?

The Walt Disney Co. on Thursday said it took “appropriate action” against employees at its Paris theme park who were caught simulating sex while dressed as Disney characters in a digital video that has received wide attention on the Internet.

secret wall tattoos – You never know when you’ll spend a night in a hotel, only to find some secret graffiti hidden behind the generic paintings.

From the department of useful internet tools: Ridester, “the dependable way to rideshare between cities in the USA”.

Best best best best photo description ever: SF Gate: galaxies colliding. “Is that a red giant or are you just happy to see me?” Those looking for a more academic description can head over to Astronomy Picture of the Day: October 24 and learn more about the Antennae galaxies in collision.

New York Changing – A gallery of New York, then and now. Some of the changes are more noticeable than others.

David Plain – “At last, a decent episode of David Blaine’s “Street Magic” has found its way to the Internet. Amazing! (Strong language.)”

Primo Levi’s The Periodic Table has been named the best science book ever written by the Royal Institution of Great Britain.

Shuttle launch seen from ISS – A couple images, via comic-writer-extraordinaire Warren Ellis, of a space shuttle launch as seen (supposedly) from the International Space Station. However, the ISS is at an altitude of about 360 km (according to Wikipedia), and these pictures look to be taken from an altitude more like 15 km…. so you be the judge.

vNES – An online NES emulator. In other words, you can play the original Nintendo right in your browser. Huzzah!

AskMeFi: Metafilter, “magazine” of the future! – An interesting discussion comparing Metafilter to high-brow magazines (Harper’s, The New Yorker, The Economist, etc.). There are clear distinctions between link aggregators like Metafilter and full-blown magazines like The New Yorker, but an interesting discussion none-the-less.

Ambient Devices, makers of the ambient orb and ambient umbrella, has created a clock which combinesGoogle Calendar and analog timekeeping. Following their inventive name scheme, it’s called an ambient clock.

onegoodmove: Jack Bauer Justice:

What is it about the right-wing’s penchant for TV justice. Last night it was the Wall Street Journal’s Stephen Moore. “You know what this is really. It’s Jack Bauer justice … he should run the CIA” to which Bill Maher responds, “you do realize it’s a TV show,” but Rep. Barney Frank (D) Massachusetts got to the heart of the matter when he said, “It’s not terrorists we’re talking about, it’s people accused of terrorism.”

40+ ways to make money on the internet – I might have to look at this more closely.

My friend recently (as in three months ago) informed me of a development in book publishing. It seems that for a small price (not much more than a regular book), you can design and publish your own book in any minute quantity you want. Normally publishing a book requires printing a whole bunch of them, so this is pretty cool. Self-publishing for the win! Lulu and Blurb are two such companies.

The Department of Olllllllllllld but if you’ve never seen it before, it’s new to you!:

The Powerbook Prank – He wanted a Powerbook. We gave him a P-P-P-Powerbook!

George Washington – “Washington, Washington, six foot eight, weighs a fucking ton.”

YouTube – Little Superstar – I know, I know, this is ollllld (in internet terms), but there has to be someone out there who hasn’t seen this little Indian guy bust a move. Whether you have or have not watched, click it. (For all those interested, the song is Holiday Rap by MC Miker G & DJ Sven.)

Top 10 ugliest fashion trends of the past 25 years – I am so thankful I never had to experience any of these.

Top 10 coolest things seen with Google Earth

Top 100 music videos of all time

Where to Go Now – SEED Magazine article back in May about seven sites to visit now, before they are ruined by global warming.

Man fixes PCs in exchange for boobs – This is the policy I need to start implementing.

UMR reader, you are mighty!

Recording Industry vs The People (blogspot) – This blog covers the cases of the RIAA versus… everyone. Whatever the motive of the two lawyers for publishing this information (nice publicity for their firm, yeah?), the information is there nonetheless. Most notably, the RIAA sued Limewire, and Limewire said “Fuck you”.

Until December, the complete archives of the Royal Society will be available to the public for free. “Spanning nearly 350 years of continuous publishing, the archive of nearly 60,000 articles includes ground-breaking research and discovery from many renowned scientists including: Bohr, Boyle, Bragg, Cajal, Cavendish, Chandrasekhar, Crick, Dalton, Darwin, Davy, Dirac, Faraday, Fermi, Fleming, Florey, Fox Talbot, Franklin,” and that’s just up to F.

Why I hate Zach Braff – Slate article about the (terrible? maybe?) fact that Zach Braff has come to be the voice of the indie, slacker youth.

The Citizendium Project – An attempt to make a better Wikipedia (by using Wikipedia). “It will begin life as a “progressive fork” of Wikipedia. But we expect it to take on a life of its own and, perhaps, to become the flagship of a new set of responsibly-managed free knowledge projects.”

There is NO manipulation of gas prices – An explanation of the falling (or rising) gas prices by Daily Kos.

Pandoras Box – A nice add-on to Pandora which enables a little box in your taskbar to show the currently playing song, change stations, and find lyrics.

Finally, I leave you with this:

Mario Brothers cake!

Links and links and links and more links. One day, this will all be blue, just links for miles, and then you will know my life has really exploded.

Bleeding Obvious:

This is a freeform space where anyone can register ‘obvious’ ideas so that if they later become the basis of frivolous patent applications this site can be used to demonstrate prior art. The inspiration for Bleeding Obvious was this post.

The Ultimate Blog Post:

“Blog” itself is short for “weblog,” which is short for “we blog because we weren’t very popular in high school and we’re trying to gain respect and admiration without actually having to be around people.”

hipsterotica – hipster erotica

A 2007 Punk Rock Calendar – Hell yes.

Skeet Spirit: A Crunk Tribute To Radiohead

What if WWII was an MMORPG?

Guerrilla artist Banksy has replaced 500 copies of Paris Hilton’s new album with his own remixes, even leaving the original bar code so customers could purchase the doctored albums. I need to get a copy of that.

NPR: Physicists debate the merits of string theory.

Portal:NDS – All the add-ons for your Nintendo DS, all in one place.

Things to Do in Customer-Service Hell – A Freakonomics blog espousing the greatness of gethuman and introducing Bringo!, two sites dedicated to getting you past all those annoying telephone prompts.

YouTube: Slugs mating – disgusting yet captivatingly beautiful

YouTube: Penn & Teller’s Got Talent – Penn and Teller show you how it’s done

35 Heroes of Freedom – Celebrating the people who have made the world groovier and groovier since 1968

Nick Hornby on how to read.

How to hack Windows XP admin password

Maniac’s Quick Upload – an easy way to upload anything to any number of those free upload sites

Play SimCity Classic for free.

A collection of solar system scale models

dg28.com: photography education

Making a Watch by Hand

To begin with, some art. Fans of the Museum of Modern Art can now purchase a fifty page book containing sketches of every piece of art in the museum. The aptly titled The Every Piece Of Art in The Museum Of Modern Art Book even comes in a deluxe edition, complete with guided tour and hot dog or pretzel.

After AOL released that huge batch of search queries (see August 13’s Undressing the Internet), various sites have scoured the files looking for interesting users. Valleywag.com has started an AOL creepy user watch, up to Volume 15 already. Slate is also chiming in, providing the seven ways people search the web. I’m an omnivore now, but I’m working my way toward obsessive.

YES.com, a site designed to give you the currently playing song and previously playing songs for any radio station across the country. It’s a work in progress, I suppose, but the bigger stations in my area work.

All those lists of “Best Places to Live!” and “Best Places to Work!” and “Best Places to Die!” and so on are obviously subjective. Although the choices in the lists may be good on whatever scale the editor chose, they could easily fail for you. With this in mind comes Find Your Spot, a service which provides you with a tailored list of best places to live based on a questionnaire you fill out. New Jersey? Nowhere on my list. Baltimore, Maryland? #1.

One more in the internet’s long list of useful websites: GopherNow – Your guide to late-night restaurants around the country.

While some are contemplating how to implement a “brightnet”, the Swedish Pirate Party has recently launched the world’s first commercial darknet. This darknet, or private network, allows for completely anonymous file sharing between any users on the network. Richard Falkvinge, chairman of the Pirate Party, believes “we have a moral obligation to protect the citizens from the effects of the current routine surveillance. This is our technical means to do just that.” Visit Relakks.com to sign up.

TIME.com has come out with both a list of the 50 Coolest Websites and 25 websites they can’t live without. I’m rooting for Undress Me Robot to make the list next year.

Other Undress Me Robot staffers might not enjoy Gnarls Barkley so much, but I haven’t listened to the St. Elsewhere, and Crazy and Smiley Faces tempt me to go buy the album. Until then, I’ll just sit back and enjoy the Gnarls Barkley and Notorious B.I.G. mashup: Gnarls Biggie.

More YouTube goodness: Mat Weddle – “Hey Ya” (Outkast cover).
For the mp3: http://trafficsau.de/stuff/heyya.mp3

And more: Dante and Randal from Clerks in “The Flying Car”. An oldie but goodie.

Yousendit not cutting it these days? Try rarhost for all your .rar file hosting needs.

Wolverine or Freakboy?

George Bush may have read Albert Camus’ novel The Stranger, but I refuse to believe he “discussed the origins of existentialism”.

I leave you, at this premature ending, with sex.

An Ohio school board is expanding sex education following the revelation that 13 percent of one high school’s female students were pregnant last year.

A woman’s sex drive begins to plummet once she is in a secure relationship, according to research.

Blondes may have more fun but redheads have more sex, according to new research in Germany.

As Sunday comes to an end, so too does this weekend’s Science Foo Camp. A meeting of great science and technology minds, as well as related writers and thought-leaders gathered by Tim O’Reilly, this is the first of the Foo Camps to be grounded in science. And it takes place at the Googleplex.

From Wikipedia, “Foo Camp is the annual invitation only, no-structure, no plan, tent on the lawns, hacker event hosted by publisher Tim O’Reilly. O’Reilly describes it as ‘the wiki of conferences’, where the program is developed by the attendees at the event, using big whiteboard schedule templates that can be rewritten or overwritten by attendees.” Basically, 200 of the world’s greatest scientists, technologists, and writers have come together in Silicon Valley to discuss the future. It astounds me.

No full report (that I know of) has come out as of yet, but Nature’s own tech blog, Nascent, sheds light on the topics discussed over the past two days. Most notably: “controlling neuronal activity using flashes of laser light”, nuclear explosion (specifically, NASA’s old Project Orion), humanity’s evolutionary future, nanotechnology, the conservative nature of science, and 3D camera technology. And that was just Friday and Saturday. Hopefully, a lengthy recap will make its way onto the web shortly.

The blunders of AOL: If you haven’t heard, AOL recently (accidentally) released a 2GB, semi-anonymous list of what some of its users have searched for. TechCrunch has a nice post on the matter. AOL removed the data from their website, but not before it was downloaded by numerous people. And, in true 21st century fashion, that various websites have popped up in order to provide a nice interface for the search data: AOL Search Database, Don’t Delete, AOL.Yogurt Rat, among others.

Excited for the release of Snakes on a Plane? Just can’t wait? Well, you have to. But, while you’re waiting, check out the CafePress Snakes on a Plane gallery. Don’t forget the mother of all Snakes on a Plane shirts, Jeffrey Rowland’s airplane with snakes flying it.

Helvetica, the film. A documentary by Gary Hustwit, of I Am Trying to Break Your Heart (Wilco documentary) fame, dealing with one of the most popular typefaces today. Visit Helveticafilm.com to learn some more about the film and watch a trailer (when available).

For some reason, bump keying has entered the blogosphere again. The story first came out over a year ago, so I’m confused as to why it’s around again, but it doesn’t always hurt to rehash old news. Bump keying, for those not in the know, is a terribly simple way to open any door by cutting a key down and then (you guessed it) bumping it. YouTube has some videos on bump keying (look at “Explore More Videos” for more), and The Open Organization of Lockpickers came out with a PDF on the subject. These are newer links, but you could always watch What The Hack’s (large large large 600mb+) video: Bumping revisited. Then, of course, there is the Wikipedia page.

Those looking for something easier to make at home, the quick vibrating lock pick for just $15 or less.

Amazing webcomic of the day: xkcd – “A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.” Also from this brilliant mind, The Best Thing project and BestDate.

Random links:

I leave you now with Salon’s Literary Guide to the World.

One of the Internet’s first uses was as a national connection between labs and universities. The current Internet keeps with this tradition of disseminating scientific information. Also in today’s Undressing the Internet: cute dancing cats and girls getting ripped in half.

On the international front: Straight from Russia come folk redesigns of movie posters. And from the United Kingdom, a small article on everyone’s favorite Japanese author (read: mine), Haruki Murakami.

On the web design front: For anyone out there building a website, a couple new tools have emerged to help out. Most notably, Browsershots.org lets you test your web design in different browsers. For free. No account needed. Also cool, but more informative than helpful, raketforskning.com now has a live Pagerank tool so you can check your site’s Pagerank 1-2-3. And, finally, not a tool, but a whole website full of interesting things to do with CSS: CSS Play, experiments with cascading style sheets.

On the science front: First, a quick jaunt through mathematics. The Mathematical Atlas is pages and pages and pages of introductions to the areas of modern mathematics. Lost before you even begin? Check out the Math Atlas’ tour of the subfields of mathematics for a quick overview. Getting a little more specific, scienceblogs.com has an introduction to information theory. A very good, easy to comprehend read.

As science once again encroaches on the philosophical questions of the humanists, Geoffrey Harpham argues discussion between scientists and humanists could lead to a new golden age of philosophy and science.

Small physics (e.g., particle physics, quantum mechanics, string-theory, etc.) has become increasingly esoteric. Its theories are steeped in math and explaining them in layman’s terms varies from impossible to almost impossible. Thus, it is always commendable when someone comes along with clear explanations and visualizations of a tricky physics matter. To what is all this leading? Imagining the Tenth Dimension, a website for the book of the same name, which seeks to show what the ten dimensions of (one version of) string theory look like.

On the terrible, terrible, embarrassing story front: “I attempted to lose my virginity on craigslist.”

On the OMG IT’S SO CUTE front: Dance you ASCII cat, dance!

On the (finally) random links front: Wikiquote has a collection of last words. A personal favorite: Caligula exclaimed “Vivo” as he was being murdered by his own soldiers. Translation? “I live!”

Think you’re smart? Well, test yourself with the simple intelligence test.

A complete waste of time: A clock with dots for seconds and three centuries worth of days portrayed by dots.

Criss Angel rips a girl in half. That is as self explanatory as you can get.

Have a Windows password that needs cracking? Check out Ophcrack 2, “the faster Windows password cracker.” It’s available as a Live CD, so you can burn the program to a CD, boot from it, and get crackin’. Hurray for free ways to break laws and steal passwords.

I leave you with this: The Royal College of Art Summer Show in London had a submission by Tim Simpson entitled “Natural Deselection”. What’s the idea? “Three plants compete to reach the light that feeds and nourishes them. The first one to succeed survives. The other two are automatically cut down in their prime.”

Sex is such an interesting topic. Whether you find it in orgasms during childbirth, or interviews with John Updike, it always manages to liven any dull day. Similarly, although I’m willing to bet some of you might disagree, I’ve always found the complicated doings of subatomic particles to be quite riveting.

It is important that women realize the possible benefits of child birth. Most notably, it’s orgasmic qualities.

On the other side of the orgasm: A family recently on vacation had a (not so) pleasant surprise when their children came across a porn filming at their hotel. “The first thing that the kids talked about was the fact that there were naked women getting their photos taken in the hotel,” Mr Crawford said.

(Not Safe For Work) Similarly, Penn and Teller’s show Bullshit covered the pros and cons of masturbation. Or, should I say, they covered the pros.

From masturbation to Madonna. A recent Mother Jones article discusses the world of conspiracy and Madonna. “I don’t normally gush like that but, according to WebMD, it’s common to the Madonna-shock decompression phase those lucky enough to see her live and that close normally go through post concert. Or it could be my thoughts were scrambled by a celebrity virus, a secret government-implanted psychotropic program piggybacking onto my own brainwaves, so as to mimic diva worship, while actually subjugating me to a much more sinister world domination agenda.”

Don’t worry, I’m slowly making my way to the serious.

A new blog from the New York Times covers all things video on the Internet. Only two posts so far, but Virginia Heffernan’s Screens blog is off to a good (albeit belated) start. Go there for your daily update on the unendless stream of videos put online.

An interlude before the real posts kick in: iStache! Easily add mustaches to any photo! (Mac only)

For anyone who has not heard of the author Haruki Murakami, I recommend reading this article from The Age on his life and writings. Given he is one of my favorite writers, I cannot say it is an interesting read even for those uninitiated to his works, but give it a go. And, if he sounds interesting, pick up a copy of Norwegian Wood or his upcoming collection of short stories, Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman.

Also making the rounds is John Updike. In the news recently for his controversial new novel, he speaks to Nerve.com about sex, modernity, grittiness, and more.

Just one step from the science.

South By Southwest took place earlier this year, with its numerous days of music, film, and business. If you missed the show, the SXSW site now has a collection of podcasts dealing with various web and business topics. CSS Problem Solving, Tagging 2.0, The Future of Education in a Digitally Convergent World, and so on.

Now here’s the good stuff!

Seed Magazine, hip science magazine extraordinaire, discusses the present and future of nuclear fusion. The recent charter to build the International Thermonuclear Experimental reactor is a beautiful thing.

While reading the above article, you might notice mention of a certain Large Hadron Collider. This huge particle accelerator being built in Switzerland is set to open on July 1, 2007. Cosmic Variance has more on exactly how powerful it will be when it begins operating.

Creator and main poster on Cosmic Variance, Dr. Sean Carroll, recently talked with Daily Kos about physics, from the heights of cosmology and dark matter to the depths of particle physics and string theory. An informative, engaging interview, to say the least.

And, on a different note, thirty years of the Selfish Gene. Richard Dawkin’s seminal work The Selfish Gene had its thirtieth anniversary edition published this year, and the Times presents a review of it and its large influence on biology and evolution.

That’s it.

-30-

In a very special edition of Undressing the Internet, age old questions are finally answered. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Is global warming a serious matter? Can anything be geekier than using a MacBook Pro as a lightsaber?

This just in, the egg came before the chicken! In a debate put together by Disney (to promote the release of Chicken Little on DVD), experts decided that it is indeed the egg which came first. Now we can finally lay that conundrum to rest, thanks Disney.

Coney Island (see: Requiem for a Dream) has long been a not-so-nice place in New York. I’ve grown to love it, if only because it is the host of Village Voice’s Siren Music Festival. Still, love or not, its economic decline is true enough. Luckily, city officials and builders are hoping to revive the once vital area. A $1 billion amusement park renovation is planned, as well as other fixes. Hooray!

In light of recent scientific agreeance (and perhaps Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth), New York Times columnist Gregg Easterbrook finally sees the light about global warming. If you’re not as convinced as he is, Newsvine has a thread about why no one takes global warming seriously.

In lighter news, a fun article from BBC News about a nude sunbather. Nothing beats the line, “She walked back and fore completely naked – I went to get my video camera to record the incident.”

Anyone interested in skulking around at night (or day) in full invisibility will their wishes granted in no time at all. MSNBC reports on new material that will render objects completely invisible, currently in development. For the near future, invisibility will be confined to the spectrum of light used for radar. Optical invisibility, on the other hand, should be ready sometime within the millenium.

Also on the science front, Duke University Medical Center researchers have found that “people may permanently store memories in their brains, even if they cannot consciously recall them”.

And if all that wasn’t nerdy enough for you, Metamath Music Page! The sound of mathematical proofs. Lovely.

From nerd to geek: Two interesting applications were released for the new MacBook line of laptops. The first, a program which lets you turn your MacBook into a lightsaber. The second, the aptly named SmackBook Pro, which lets you change desktops by hitting your MacBook.

If you’re in the market for a new SUV, and live in California or Florida, check out the new offer by GM. Buy your SUV before July 5 (with OnStar), and you’ll never pay more than $1.99/gallon for gas.

A perfect end to a perfectly nerdy Undressing the Internet: Cracking WEP and WPA Wireless Networks. If you live in a sufficiently dense area, consider that a How-To on getting free internet access.

Later!

-30-

In today’s UTI: the power of the porn industry is finally acknowledged, the Stencil Revolution is upon us, and NASA creates a beep pop video. And there’s still over half a UTI to go!

UNDRESSING THE INTERNET EXTRAAAAAVAGANZA!

To start, NASA recently put out a movie of the Huygens probe landing on Saturn’s moon Titan. Lots of bells and whistles, literally, and a very interesting movie for those interested. Let me just add on a big GEEK ALERT, just to warn those who might be tricked into thinking it’s a “cool” movie.

And from there we go to the Stencil Revolution. These guys have put up a tutorial on creating stencils in Photoshop. Nothing too exciting, but remember, things are just warming up.

For everyone who was pissed off when the price of stamps was raised a little while ago… well… a recent proposal included another raise of 3 cents (to 42 cents). Also in the proposal? Forever stamps. These stamps would be sold at the same price as first class stamps, and be good forever. Why the government would do this I don’t know, but it sounds good to me.

There are a lot of websites out there that generate things. Webcomics, pictures with captions, pictures with word balloons, names, and so on. Luckily, they have been collected in The Generator Blog. Waste your day away.

And now a sharp turn toward the freakonomics of prostitution. An ABC News article discusses the economics of prostitution. Sexonomics, as they call it.

The sex business is also in the news lately because of the neverending battle between Blu-ray and HD-DVD. The competition between these DVD formats does not seem to be dying soon, but a decider might choose sides before you know it. Who’s that decider? The porn industry.

Let me take some time out of your busy schedule for just a moment and introduce a couple sites for which I will create their own little subsection…

THE CUTE ZONE

Introduced to me by a special lady out there, the San Diego Zoo has a panda cam for their six giant pandas. The feed never stops, and you can even watch past feeds. Cute!

The other cute site of the day? This one shows us a side of our little feline friends: their sink side. Cats in Sinks is exactly what it sounds like. It’s pictures of cats. In sinks. Doubly cute!

And back to the education.

Hang your books in style! Invisibly
Reference and Outline Maps of the United States!
Convert HTML pages to PDF!
Search for lyrics without the crappy popups!
Host and share up to 5GB of files!

Ahem.

Google purchased, as they often do, a software company which made SketchUp, a 3D design program that easily allows you to create conceptual sketches of anything you could imagine. Generally, 3D software is very expensive, but Google has released a personal use version for absolutely free. See, they still have the whole “Don’t be evil” thing under wraps.

2006 SUMMER MOVIEs

The general opinion of movies this summer: Why bother? At least, so says The Onion with it’s 2006 summer movie preview. For all who don’t know, The A.V. Club is (generally) serious, so don’t ignore it just because it’s from The Onion. The New York Times (below) also came out with a summer preview, but the conciseness, humor, and blatant honesty of The Onion makes it a much better read.

Still… Looking for something a bit more high brow? The New York Times has also come out with a preview of this summer’s movies.

This summer might be a terrible one for blockbusters, but doesn’t it always seem that way? Pajiba.com reflects on the ten worst blockbusters of all time. Number 1 goes to Batman & Robin… as it should.

That’s it. I’m done. It’s 2:34 AM and I’m tired. You get one more link, but only because I’m hungry.

The World’s 50 Best restaurants. I wish I was rich.

-30-

A bevy of videos in today’s Undressing the Internet. From Keith Olbermann, to Jon Stewart, to Stephen Colbert, it’s a visually vicious video extravaganza.

Today is brought to you by onegoodmove. Give me a break, this is just the beginning.

Everything that follows is a video. Snazzy.

Rummy’s Vivisection – From The Countdown with Keith Olbermann. Rumsfeld is forced to deny the validity of his own words. Of course, we can thank the greatness that is freedom of speech in America for allowing the person posing the question to not be thrown out.

Strategic Hypocrisy – I know a lot of people, particularly teens and twenty-somethings, use the Daily Show as a main source of news. I can’t say it’s the best place for news, but it’s usually spot on and provides an entertaining news medium for those who normally wouldn’t watch any news show at all. In this clip, Jon Stewart on Bush’s never changing his mind on a stance. *cough*

Mess O’Potamia – An overview of some aspects of the war in Iraq, brought to you by the lovely Jon Stewart.

Stephen Colbert on 60 Minutes – This one, as you might have guessed, is a 60 Minutes clip. A 12:41 minute piece on Stephen Colbert, made ever more relevant because of his recent stint at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner.

White House whaaaaat you say? Well! If you purveyors of the internet and blogosphere have been living under a rock lately, you might have missed this: Stephen Colbert provided the closing speech at this year’s Correspondent’s Dinner.

To see the speech in all its glory:
Part 1 http://video.freevideoblog.com/video/AAC7FA18-2DDC-4D3E-B1…
Part 2 http://video.freevideoblog.com/video/C91DDBB4-28AD-4E6F-BD…

Transcript of the speech.

That’s all for now.

A lot of cell phones come with games, but most of those games are pretty terrible. Thankfully, vampent has created a mobile Nintendo emulator. Of course, you’ll need good games to go with it, so start off with Mario Adventure. Hell, just go play Mario Adventure on your computer.

Mozilla is hosting a contest, a really awesome contest, if I may say so myself. With the Firefox Flicks ad contest, you can win some cool prizes for creating a 30-second Firefox advertisement. This seems like a great win/win situation.

Albumart.org is a great site to find any CD or DVD covers. And it’s AJAX powered, so it’s fast and classy too.

A lot of importance is placed on getting the right amount of sleep. However, a Vietnamese man has spent the last 33 years of his life entirely sleepless. Admittedly, that is an extremely rare case, but new pills are being developed to cure the need for sleep. Until then, get a good nights rest, and maybe read up a little on how your sleeping life affects your waking life.

More RIAA goodness: space and format-shifting (such as ripping CDs to your iPod) are now deemed infringing by the RIAA. Okay guys, seriously, the RIAA is a bunch of assholes.

On a lighter note, Genesis in Rap Songs. Best mixtape ever.

And back again to those heavier notes. The Los Angeles Times recently published an article on evangelist Ken Ham, who seeks to “arm you with Christian Patriot missiles.” Forget evolution, because “the Bible is the history book of the universe.”

Bernard-Henri Levy, who appeared on The Daily Show last month, has published an impassioned Letter to the American Left. “Nothing made a more lasting impression during my journey through America than the semi-comatose state in which I found the American left.”

Google Talk, another of Google’s steps towards complete web domination, recently added the ability to connect to Jabber servers. This might not sound very exciting to many people, but with a little tweaking you can now connect and talk to people on AIM, MSN, and Yahoo. Pretty snazzy, I would say. And while on the subject of Google upgrades, Gmail is now available for your domain. Although most website hosts provide some email addresses, Google is offering their usual unlimited amount of address and unlimited amount of storage. Pretty snazzy, I would say.

Japanese television is absolutely insane. For example, Nasubi.

Nippon Television’s (NTV) producers have obviously never heard of the Geneva Convention. If they had, they wouldn’t have treated poor Nasubi the way they did. They wouldn’t have stripped him naked and shut him in an apartment, alone with no food, furniture, household goods, or entertainment. They wouldn’t have kept him there for over a year until he had won $100,000 in prizes by sending in postcards to contests. They wouldn’t have cut him off from the world and they would have told him that he was on nation-wide TV.

Complete List of Web 2.0 Products and Services

Library Thing – Catalog your books online!

A new month has begun, and with it comes some wonderful tidings from the internet. AT&T being sued, a major label fighting the RIAA, 240k credit card numbers released, depressing songs… that sort of thing.

According to a new book, broadband ISPs have cheated citizens out of $200 billion. Furthermore, broadband companies are pushing for a two-tiered internet, especially AT&T CEO Ed Whitacre. And that’s not all AT&T is in the news for. A civil liberties group has filed a lawsuit against AT&T for collaborating with the NSA eavesdropping. (Is it sad that Wired and MTV news have the best articles on the subject?)

Another article discusses how America has “the slowest, most expensive and least reliable [broadband] in the developed world.”

If anyone is wondering how America is doing, whitehouse.gov has posted a transcript of the State of the Union.

Attention all Massachusetts residents! Two Massachusetts newspapers accidentally sent out papers containing the credit card data of almost 240,000 subscribers. You see what recycling has done to this country?

I think now is a good time for some humor: The Lego Suicides.

And now is a good time for science and philosophy: “Do not take the lecture too seriously . . . just relax and enjoy it. I am going to tell you what nature behaves like. If you will simply admit that maybe she does behave like this, you will find her a delightful, entrancing thing. Do not keep saying to yourself “But how can it be like that?” because you will get . . . into a blind alley from which nobody has yet escaped. Nobody knows how it can be like that.” — Richard Feynman

Joining the battle against the RIAA is Canada’s biggest record label, Nettwerk Music Group. They will fund the legal defense for a family being sued by the RIAA. It’s refreshing to hear a label say, “Suing the fan makes no sense. Litigation is destructive; we’re a creative community, not a destructive one.”

Also refreshing is learning what Atari did with all those unsold E.T. video games, to the tune of a nice little music video.

gethuman.com is a website dedicated to helping you get in touch with a real person when calling customer service. Check out the cheats for the secret talk-to-a-human numbers for hundreds of companies.

Tom Reynolds, author of the upcoming book “I Hate Myself and Want to Die: The 52 Most Depressing Songs You’ve Ever Heard”, has written a special for The Seattle Times discussing some of his humorous legal woes involved with writing the book.

“It’s painful how sexy I look in this.”

Fear of Girls – True love is but a +2 broadsword away.

And, once again, John Stewart provides a hilarious comparison between Oprah Winfrey and conventional journalism.

Intel versus The Postal Service! Spear chucker versus honky! You versus censorship! Skippy versus the U.S. Army! It’s a battle to the death in today’s Undressing the Internet.

For all you disbelievers, Apple/Intel versus The Postal Service.

Also on the video front:

A good SNL skit with the late, great Richard Pryor.

The classic French film Papillon now has a trailer with English subtitles. We need more American films like this.

And finally, a breathtaking video of an underwater nuclear test.

[/end video front]

I know most of the people who visit Undres Me Robot are Windows XP users, so here are over 350 useful XP tips to get you through any Windows trouble.

Another tip: How to accurately determine your iPod battery life. While we’re at it, who cares how long your iPod lasts if the earphones stop working.

You should never, never, never complain about not being able to access a site from work or school after you read the 6 ways to view blocked sites.

Pregnant? Make sure you eat lots of fish.

New Scientist presents how the human brain works.

CNN Money presents the best time to buy anything.

And Skippy presents 213 things you can’t do in the army.

Wikipedia, bastion of all hope in these dark times, has an extensive list of internet phenomenon. The official title of the page is “Internet celebrities”, and I can’t wait for this big guy to be added.

In the eternal vein of “Flash applications that are useless enough to be cool”, I will Let them sing it for you.

If there are any PBS fans out there, I just want to let you know that you can watch, for free, every Frontline episode online now.

Science versus the Death Penalty! Who will win!

Yeah… I don’t want to end on a downer like that… so… it’s peanut butter jelly time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111

A day late, but never a dollar short, today’s Undressing the Internet is twice as bombastic. Brothels and gigapixels and artificial suns, oh my.

A brief history of the oldest public institution (in the UK, at least).

If anyone is thinking about moving, City-Data.com has put together a bunch of Top 100 lists of biggest cities, cities with the highest median income value, highest located cities, cities with the largest percentage of females, cities with the largest percentage males, best educated cities, and etc. etc. etc.

For a few years, the Gigapxl Project has been taking breathtaking photographs of various places around the United States (mostly in California).

Something just as inspiring: beautiful art made with knitting. I don’t know how the monkey riding a banana really fits, but I’m cool with it.

Something just as cool: China is building the world’s first fusion device in March or April, and beginning testing in July or August. If the experiment is successful, this is big news. It will be like having the sun as a renewable energy source.

Something not cool at all: The MPAA and RIAA are trying to get legislation passed that basically gets rid of fair use. Future innovations in television in radio will be banned unless they are of “customary historic use”. As the site says, “Had it been the law in 1990, no TiVo. In 2000, no iPod.” Ars Technica also has a post about it.

A universal guide to getting laid in Japan. For males and females!

You might have heard (you being the illustrious internet user that I know you are) that the government is trying to get Google search data. For an overview, Outer-court.com has just the thing. Searchenginewatch.com has an up-to-the-minute article on the topic, with updates being added on all the time.

Of course, you could be wondering “What’s the big deal?” and you would not be alone. Stephen Colbert thinks we need to stop worrying about privacy and start worrying about public-see.

In the market for a fun gift for a kid? Budding scientist? Try out the world’s only nuclear powered toy. Just don’t go for the good blimp deal.

It’s important that everyone realizes how much fun they could be having with their iPod. In light of this, 50 Fun Things To Do With Your iPod.